Welcome to the HotI Product Line

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PTTG
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Welcome to the HotI Product Line

Postby PTTG » Tue Jul 21, 2015 2:21 am

HotI Pharmaceuticals was founded on a deep and abiding drive to treat and cure the sick; thus, we chose to incorporate under the name Hatred of the Ill, illustrating our desire to restore our patients to full health. Our slogan, "WE WILL END YOUR PAIN" is an industry-recognized promise, and our partnership with Slipknot proves our commitment to reaching out to unconventional markets.

Here at Hatred, we focus on providing the most effective cures and treatments. Here is a partial list of our most popular preparations:

Our flagship maximum-strength antibiotic has no side effects. Find it under the trade name HATRED: BIOCIDE.

HATRED: ACIDY BLOOD is successor to HATRED: ACIDY SPIT, both powerful acid reflux treatments.

To give you the ability to finally breath fresh, pure air, consider HATRED: LUNG CRUCIBLE to stop those pesky coughs.

HATRED: GORE POWER both removes rashes and treats erectile dysfunction. It is part of a flagship line of double-cures, designed to give doctors more options in less space. Also available is HATRED: EYE GOUGER which unfortunately causes some mild to severe blurred vision in addition to powerful bronchitis and ulcer-fighting abilities.

HATRED: Throat Stomper is our anti-allergy preparation and the only one where the CEO took our suggestion for the name; it is also the only medication we prepare which is not registered under a name that is legally required to be bellowed at the bottom of one's vocal register whenever mentioned.

Our anti-hypertention medication is the most powerful anti-blood-pressure medicine on the market. Every patient to complete a course sees a drop in blood pressure. Unfortunately, it also has the occasionally serious side effect of increasing blood pressure, so some patients see both increased AND decreased blood pressure. We aren't really sure what's going on, but it's definitely earned the name HATRED: BLOOD PARADOX.

Rounding it out is HATRED: NECK WRECKER, our anti-asthma treatment, and HATRED: SKULL CRACK, a powerful anti-migraine. Both of these well-known medications have no side effects and are carefully concentrated for maximum effect.

...

Also, our CEO would like to announce a new... medication- Look, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, sure, it's all from the same base substance I know, but come on, it's... ok, ok... As I was saying, a new medication for, uh, students who need help focusing. It's, uh, called HATRED: TERROR VORTEX and provides the absolute most powerful anti-ADHD medication available, but we are sorry to announce that it also causes occasional cases of increased anxiety and, uh, near-constant mind-numbing nightmares. Look, I really think it's a bad slogan, are you sure about this? Really? Fine... TERROR VORTEX is... uh... "just what you need to focus on the horror of existence." Look for TERROR VORTEX wherever Slipknot albums are sold.
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droidfreak36
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Re: Welcome to the HotI Product Line

Postby droidfreak36 » Wed Jul 22, 2015 4:26 pm

topkek

I especially like HATRED: BLOOD PARADOX
A robot who enjoys making stuff, where stuff includes drug production lines.

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PTTG
Line Supervisor
Line Supervisor
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2015 1:48 am

Re: Welcome to the HotI Product Line

Postby PTTG » Thu Jul 23, 2015 5:47 am

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